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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22415527">insomnia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stcrjumper/pseuds/stcrjumper'>stcrjumper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tiny Meat Gang (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, just a simple noel fic, lower case on purpose, mention of aleena, sorry about the tags, talk about panic attacks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:34:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22415527</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stcrjumper/pseuds/stcrjumper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>he had been sitting in the same spot on the couch this whole time, the only moments he got up being to go to the bathroom or to get a glass of water, and it did nothing for him. any other person would have fallen asleep by now, but not him. never him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aleena/Noel Miller</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>insomnia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so this started out as being a fic about noel not being able to sleep but then turned into vent writing for me, so i’m sorry in advance lol. based on the song “sweet insomnia” by gallant.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>5:15 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <span>noel unlocked the door to his one bedroom apartment and entered it with a breath of relief. it had been a really long day, what with his droning work hours and only a twenty minute lunch break to appease his overworked brain, and he was dead tired. it didn’t help that he was only running on two hours of sleep, either, but that was a given when it came to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he walked further into his apartment, making his way towards the kitchen so he could put his keys on the counter and hang his jacket on the back of one of the chairs. noel turned and leaned against the table, bringing his hands to rub over his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“god i’m so fucking tired,” he mumbled to himself. </span>
</p><p><span>he hadn’t been sleeping a lot recently, </span><em><span>just</span></em> <em><span>because</span></em><span>, and it had been making him extremely tired. no matter how hard he tried or what he did, he could never fall asleep. the gears in his brain incessantly turned every hour of every day, especially when he was laying alone in the darkness of his room, and he couldn’t stop them. </span></p><p>
  <span>noel turned to look at the clock on his wall- seeing that it was only five fifteen pm, he decided to chill out and worry about dinner later. he thought about trying to turn in early for the day, maybe around ten pm, remembering he had an early meeting the next morning, but it all depended on if he actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> fall asleep that early.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>going into his room, noel changed into a pair of sweatpants and a simple t-shirt, came back into the living room to settle himself onto his couch, and turned on the bachelor to pass the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>8 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <span>when noel checked his phone again, three hours had gone by. confused on how he wasted all that time watching that shit show, he took his phone and opened the doordash app to try and decide what he wanted to eat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he was in the mood for a shitty burger, so he clicked on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>in n’ out</span>
  </em>
  <span> tab and selected his meal. once he payed, noel closed the app from his phone and went back to watching the bachelor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>as he was watching the show, however, he started thinking about the future, and his brain started on its bullshit again. it was running a hundred miles a minute and noel could do nothing to stop it. this happened a lot, actually. he was usually able to stop himself from going too deep, but there was something about this instance that felt different.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>luckily, before his state of mind could get any worse, noel received a notification on his phone indicating that his food had arrived. not two minutes later, he heard three consecutive knocks at his door and he was quick to go and open it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>noel took the bag and thanked the lady, then closed his door and sat back down in his spot on the couch. happy to finally be able to eat, he momentarily forgot about his drowning thoughts. he eagerly went through the paper bag and got out his burger and fries, setting them out on his lap so he wouldn’t make a mess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>five minutes later, noel had finished his main meal and was already working through the fries. he had only eaten a small breakfast that day, having spent his lunch period talking to a coworker and not being able to buy lunch, so he was extremely hungry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>finally finished with everything, he grabbed all of his trash and got up to throw it in the bin. noel then, once again, sat back in his seat on the couch and turned his attention back to the bachelor. he had no idea what was going on, but it was a good way to distract him from his own thoughts for a while. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>11:30 pm</b>
</p><p>
  <span>three and a half hours later, and noel still didn’t feel tired. he had been sitting in the same spot on the couch this whole time, the only moments he got up being to go to the bathroom or to get a glass of water, and it did nothing for him. any other person would have fallen asleep by now, but not him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>never him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>some other bullshit show was on now, and noel decided he wanted to try and sleep. he got the remote and turned off the tv, closed the lights around his apartment and walked into his room. he had already brushed his teeth earlier, so all he did was take off his shirt and pants and crawled under the covers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>finally comfortable in his own bed, noel expected his brain to stay quiet, but instead was greeted with his thoughts from earlier- he was thinking about the future, feelings of hopelessness and desperation settling heavy in his chest. his mind was going too fast for him to keep up with, and he could feel the anxiety starting to kick in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was a cycle that noel was sadly used to- on normal days, it started with a simple thought of how the next day was gonna go, but then turned into thoughts about what was gonna happen in the following weeks and the following months. usually by then, he was able to stop himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>on especially bad nights like this one, however, the thoughts didn’t stop. they continued on, leaving noel to wonder if his dead end job was all he was destined for in life. if that’s all he was supposed to do, if this desk job was the end of the line for him. it always caused waves of desperation and hopelessness and anxiety to wash over him, caused his heart beat to grow unbearably loud in his ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>all noel could do at that point was sit there and try to regulate his breathing, his thoughts reducing him to a small ball of nothing. he tried using his grounding techniques to try and calm himself down, and although they were working a little bit, it wasn’t enough to regulate his heartbeat and breathing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he laid on his back, unmoving, counting down from one hundred in intervals of seven. noel felt a bit better as he went on, and by the time he reached the twenties, he was finally able to breathe normally again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>noel blew out a breath and sat himself up in his bed, rubbing his hands over his face. he only now noticed the taste of bile that sat heavy in his mouth, not allowing it to get passed his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it was always hard for him to go through episodes like this one, the ones that crippled him like it just did, because it physically, emotionally, and mentally drained him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he was exhausted. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>2 am</b>
</p><p>
  <span>with all of that, and despite being incredibly tired, noel still couldn’t fall asleep. almost three hours had passed since his panic attack, and all he had been able to accomplish was scroll through twitter and shitty subreddits. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he could feel fatigue settle into his bones, rendering him almost lethargic-like, yet his body refused to let him sleep. “this is so fucked,” he whispered to himself, crossing his arms behind his head to attempt to make himself more comfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>tired of looking at the ceiling, noel took out his phone and scrolled through his twitter timeline once again. he was sure seeing the same tweets over and over again would at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span> in trying to get him to sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>3:30 am</b>
</p><p>
  <span>at this point, noel was just laying in bed staring at the ceiling. he gave up on twitter after going through the same timeline seven times in a row, and that was thirty minutes ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>his mind was blank, no thoughts crossing his mind. he was counting the grains on the ceiling above him, not expecting anyone to be awake, when he felt his phone beside him buzz twice. that usually meant he had received a text message, so noel was confused as to who would text him so late into the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>when he turned on his phone and saw who the message was from, his eyebrows furrowed even more. “why the fuck would they be texting me at this time…” he mumbled to himself. but when he opened his phone to see what message he had sent before, it made a lot  more sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>while he was having his panic attack, noel had apparently texted them asking “is it always gonna be like this? i’m so fucking tired of everything, i just wanna sleep. why can't i sleep?”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>noel felt instant embarrassment for sending them a text like that, never being one to talk about his feelings so openly, but the message he got back made him feel a lot better about the whole situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>aleena- 2:59 am</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>you’ll be ok noel. just take deep breaths. i know it feels hard right now and like there’s no end to the pain, but i’m here for you whenever. just say the word. i’ll see you tomorrow ok? i love you &lt;3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>after reading the message over a couple more times, noel felt a lot more at peace. aleena always made him feel so much better- she always knew the right thing to say and he loved her for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>suddenly feeling himself getting extremely tired, noel turned off his phone and set it on his night stand. knowing he was going to be dead on his feet at work due to only having 2 hours of sleep, noel turned to his side and closed his eyes, letting his memories of aleena lull him to sleep. darkness surrounded his vision. he was finally asleep. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thx for reading! leave comments below and catch me on twitter @/tinymillernko.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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